Waltham High School Lamentations

I recently received an Evite to attend my fifteen year reunion for Waltham High School..... and I nearly stumbled over in shock.

Fifteen years? How? That’s like just under half of my lifetime ago!

Well, I’m definitely going, partly because I didn’t bother with my five year reunion (...not much changed in five years) and partly because I don’t even think we had a ten year one. So, I dusted the cobwebs off of my 1992 High School yearbook and perused the pages a bit. It was then that I realized something rather unsettling.

I really didn’t do jack sh*t at this school!

I mean, sure… I went to Waltham High for the full four, got decent grades, went to my prom and graduated, but I never really made my mark there. A cursory and depressing look at my yearbook confirmed all of that. Now, I know what you might be thinking.

“He graduated in 1992, it’s 2007 and he’s just now figuring this out… after fifteen years?”

Well, yes and no.

See, I’ve looked at this yearbook before, but I just kinda glossed over the sports and recreation sections because I already knew I wasn’t in there. In the past, I’d look at the few pictures of me that were in there and maybe check out some of the babes of yore, whilst wondering what it would have been like to date some of them. Here’s where my picture appears:

1.) Student Portraits

2.) Homeroom Picture

3.) In-Class Picture

And we’re done.

The first two are a given. Every student had to have a portrait taken even if he/she had no intention of buying any prints… and every student who was in class the day they took the homeroom pictures made it to the yearbook.

The only noteworthy picture was the third one of me in some class (...might have been Social Studies or English). Somebody basically came into our class, asked for the seniors in that class to raise their hands and, bam, I got my picture taken.

The funny thing was that this random class shot only made it to the album because I raised $25.00 for the yearbook fund. For $25.00, you got a quarter of a page in black and white and students were encouraged to hit up businesses for this money in exchange for a small ad printed on your picture. I went to my Star Market manager at the time and she gave me the donation I needed. The yearbook had that one random class picture of me on hand, so there ya go.

If not for those three shots, an outsider would never know that I even attended Waltham High School. I’ll be honest. The only times I showed anything that could be construed as school spirit was when I went to the Hawks’ football rallies and frankly, I only had two reasons why I went to any of those.

1.) They were held during what would have ordinarily been school hours.

2.) They had cheerleaders.

Beyond that, I could have given a rat’s ass whether we won or lost.... and given my current love of football, that's hard to believe. Point of fact is that, in my senior year, the Waltham Hawks had an undefeated season. I can only imagine how much more I would have been into our high school football games if I brought my adult mentality with me.

So yeah, I knew that because I didn’t play football for the Hawks, I’d never be a chick magnet. I’d never have any cute girls cheering my name, never get my locker decorated by anybody and never have any heroic moments on the field. And so, with every viewing of my yearbook, I always skipped over the football section... as well as the basketball and hockey sections.

The fact that each of those sports had their own cheerleading teams didn’t help, either.

Then to make matters worse, there was the swim teams, soccer, volleyball, golf, cross country, indoor track, skiing, wrestling, lacrosse, tennis, softball, baseball and track teams to ignore as well. I was only vaguely aware of the existence of some of those disciplines at our school, but golf?

We had a f**king golf team, folks!

I haven’t even started with the arts yet. Oh, we had string orchestra, jazz band, wind ensemble, marching band, jazz choir, show choir and chorus… and I couldn’t carry a tune to save my life, so those options were out. Sure, I might be able to play guitar now, but back then I wouldn't have had a prayer with getting into any of those music clubs.

Then there were the miscellaneous activities. I could have actually been a part of some of these, but here again, the very existence of many of these events didn’t hit home for me until after I graduated. I was just really, really out of the loop with these activities. It appears that one of the biggest of these events was homecoming week which included a bonfire. Sure, it looked like great fun on these pages, but I spent the majority of the time during morning announcements daydreaming, so again, I missed out.

And I got nobody else to blame but myself.

We also apparently had an academic decathlon. Now, I was a smart student, but I wasn’t “nerd” smart. An old acquaintance from back in the day (A.J. Hallock) was like two years younger than me, but obviously destined for a lifetime of intense cerebral flexing.

And he definitely looked the part, too.

Thick, curly blond hair, buckteeth, thick-ass quadrifocals and I’m fairly certain he had a pen pouch thingy, too. Sure enough, he (as a sophomore) made it into my senior yearbook! I think his dad knew how to build nuclear weapons and his mom was a teacher at our school, so it didn’t surprise me that A.J. would go on to academic greatness at the expense of any kind of a hip and happenin’ social life. But.... it's dudes like him who are pulling in six and seven figure salaries these days, so who am I to knock him, right?

Waltham High also had Student Santa and to my credit, I brought in a gift and helped wrap many others in homeroom one fine day, but there was also some sort of event to cap everything off and, naturally, I wasn’t there. As socially lacking as I may have been back then, I still had enough heart to want to help underprivileged kids. As for the ladies, finding the courage to ask a female out to the prom was enough to deal with that I didn’t even bother attempting the Senior Social (…which for all intents and purposes was the same damn thing).

Then came something that actually looked like a lot of fun: The Senior Revue.

It entailed acting in skits and singing songs. These days, I absolutely love acting and I’m sure that I would have done fairly well even back then, but I knew nothing about this event until the day it was supposed to happen. Oh, well.

We also had a Teacher Appreciation Dinner, but I’m not losing any sleep over that one as I’m fairly certain that I’d miss that one even today. However, according to my yearbook, there was also a Senior Roller-skating Night at the old Wal-Lex rink (…since torn down). And I loved roller-skating, so why the f**k didn’t I go to this one?

Probably because I had no idea it even happened (…seems to be a pattern).

I don’t know what Dance Theater even was, but we had one of those as well. Then, there was the National Honor Society Induction Ceremony, which I actually attended because my sophomore friend, Ajay was one of the award recipients. He was yet another brilliant kid I used to know that soared above me in higher academia and was, no doubt, destined for great things.

The yearbook also had a few pics devoted to the Student Council and their year-end banquet. And no, I never bothered running for President, Vice-President, Secretary or Treasurer. Maybe if I could have done it all over again, I’d have tried out for President, just for the hell of it. Who knows? If I could bring my brains, life experience and slowly-cultivated personality back in time to 1992, I might have had a shot.

I was as good with a camera back in 1992 as I am today (which is to say I was pretty good), but it never even dawned on me to try and join the yearbook staff, either. Oh, and there was a Gong Show, too! Here’s another thing I’d have definitely tried out for if I could do everything over again. I don't know, it just seemed like a lot of fun and I'm sorry I missed it.

I didn’t bother with the Senior Dinner or the Scholarship and Awards Night (…I knew I hadn’t won anything), but thankfully, I DID make it to my prom and subsequent graduation, so I wasn’t a total dweeb. But by the time I got to prom, I really felt like a newbie. I had attended exactly one dance in my four years at Waltham High (...I think it was in my sophomore year) and with no extra curriculars on my schedule, prom was a rather big deal for me. It was my first real full-fledged social event and, to be honest, it felt kinda like crashing a high-tone party with unwashed, homeless clothes. Sure, I had my tux on, but looking the part didn't mean I felt the part.

I mean, had it not been for the Prom and actually attending Graduation, I’d have been 100% shut-out of everything! How the hell did I let this happen?

Well, given my attitude towards college at the time, I guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised that my high school activities were thin. I spent my entire senior year worrying about my dad and his battle with cancer (...a battle he lost shortly after I graduated). But I'm really not trying to use my dad as an excuse because I know I'd have been thin on extra-curriculars even if he were in perfect health.

As for college aspirations, I distinctly remember one day in my junior year English class. Our teacher asked, “By a show of hands, how many of you are planning on going to college.” I honestly think that mine was the only hand that didn’t go up. My folks just never talked about college.... at all. Most parents are talking about it before their child even enters high school. In my house, it just never came up. Maybe they figured they'd never be able to afford to send me, so why bother bringing it up? I honestly don't know.

Frankly, all I wanted to do was get out of high school and go to work. I'd had enough academics to last me a lifetime, so the thought of four more years of hell wasn't sittin' too well with me.

Remember in the movie The Breakfast Club where Bender (Judd Nelson) is ripping on high school clubs and activities? Well, that was pretty much me, minus the bad ass attitude and tough guy façade. Claire (Molly Ringwald) tells Bender that the reason why he doesn’t belong in any of those clubs is because he’s afraid that they won’t take him, hence the reason why he dumps all over them.

Thinking back, I honestly don’t know what the hell my problem was, but I’m thinking I might have thought a bit like Bender did. Amazing how things change, though. I’m thinking today as a 32 year old man who’s pretty much not afraid of anything or anybody. God, I wish I thought like that back in high school.

And, I could give less than a rat’s ass what people think of me.

It’s not even a defense mechanism as it was in high school. I just outgrew the angst, though I still remember it. I didn’t transform into a chick magnet since 1992, but I did lose all of the anxiety that goes with getting rejected. I know how to talk to women now and it really ain’t a big deal.

I honestly wish I could go back in time and just start digging in. Get involved with stuff, raise more money to get a full color picture in the yearbook…. and YES, date a few girls. Would I get shot down? Sure, probably… but if I asked out all of the girls I thought were hot at the time with my present outlook on life and accompanying attitude, I’m sure I’d get a few “yes” responses as well.

Hindsight, right?

I wandered the halls going from class-to-class, but I wasn't blind. I saw the camaraderie shared between the popular kids. I saw the heroes that made up our undefeated Waltham Hawks football team and how well they interacted with some of the hotter girls in our year and I got kinda bummed. I still have memories of walking by the lockers of our football elite, decorated with the school colors by the cheerleaders.

And somewhere deep inside of me, I wanted a piece of that glory, too.

Alas, I’m fairly certain I would never have attained it. After all, I was fairly skinny for a senior and didn’t start putting on any significant kind of muscle until after I graduated. I played basketball, but always preferred low-key pick-up games to the high-pressure games played in front of cheering and booing fans. My dad used to tell me to enjoy these years while I had them because they'd be gone before I knew it and I wouldn't want to look back with regrets.

Back then, I thought that just meant, "Don't slack off with your studies." Now I know that he also meant seizing the day and not letting opportunities pass me by.

So here I am in the year 2007 and I'm ready to seize the day. With this fifteen year high school reunion coming up, I’m looking forward to pretty much mingling with everybody and I'm sure I'll shock the sh*t out of most people when I do.

It won’t change who I was as a senior in high school, but who knows? Maybe I’ll score some "playdate-parent" friends for the benefit of my daughter who I’m hoping will make more of a mark in her school than I did in mine.

ABORTION: What I Believe

I’m going to start straying a bit from some of my more anecdotal writings to tackle a few of the most hotly-debated and controversial topics of our age.

Tonight’s topic is..... ABORTION.

DISCLAIMER: If either the Word of God or opinions that differ from your own offend you, stop reading this immediately! If you're not mature enough to handle the fact that not everybody thinks exactly as you think, you might want to go read something else.

I intend to write what I believe and, simply put, this will literally piss off all of the liberal hedonists of our otherwise great nation. Opinions, either for or against what I write, are always welcome, but know this ahead of time. Some of my opinions are most definitely gonna come off as caustic. This is because I feel very strongly about this subject and don’t take too kindly to cold-blooded killers.

And before I get rolling, if I happen to toss out a few Bible quotes (which I’m pretty sure I’m gonna), I’ll take them from the King James Version. Just thought you should know.

Without a doubt, abortion is an extremely sensitive topic and God knows this country has heard just about every reason under the sun that people have come up with to justify having abortions. In reality, however, none of those excuses hold water.

You read that right - NONE.

I'll start by getting the toughest and most challenging “rationales” out of the way first.

LIFE OF THE MOTHER IN DANGER: I am not a woman, so presumably, the easiest way to shoot down any of my opinions would be to simply remind me of the fact that I’m a man and will never know what it’s like to be a woman faced with the abortion dilemma.

Well, guess what. I might not have a uterus, but I have a brain and the right to use it as I see fit. I’m capable of rendering opinions and holding fast to my beliefs and I’m more than reasonably sure my beliefs regarding abortions wouldn’t change if I’d been born without my Y chromosome.

So, if it’s all the same to you, I’m gonna keep typing.

Or would you prefer it if I just stood idly by and allowed the slaughter of innocent lives to continue unopposed? I’d also remind everybody that “asking men to butt out of abortion issues” will only help the pro-life cause.

Why?

Because polls consistently show that more women oppose abortions than men do. If the opinions of all men are taken out of the equation, Roe vs. Wade would have never happened and abortions would still be illegal. Plus, the vast, VAST majority of abortion butchers ("doctors") are men, so you might wanna take that into consideration before you show me the door.

To the godless, the “mother’s life in peril” excuse is an easy out because their physical, earthly life is all they believe they’ll ever have, so it must be preserved at all costs. However, for those who truly believe in our Lord, not even this excuse works.

Here’s why.

Because an abortion is nothing more than the murder of an innocent human being; the extermination of a soul-bearing vessel. And absolutely no end justifies those means. When a stunt man signs on to participate in an action movie, he goes into it knowing full well that he’s gonna have to put his physical health on the line. He’ll need to sign all sorts of waivers to acknowledge this reality before they’ll even let him play checkers.

As such, a woman who allows for the possibility of becoming pregnant puts her own corporeal health at risk. Granted, most women are at least moderately prepared for some of those physical maladies, such as morning sickness, edema, respiratory difficulty and a whole host of other physical side-effects that comes with bearing new life in her womb, but there are more serious risks to consider.

As for the women who haven’t thought all of that through, well.... they’re not somehow magically absolved from this responsibility. Fortunately, incidents where a pregnancy will, with absolute certainty, cause the mother’s death, are far, far, far fewer than the media would have you believe, particularly in the United States where the vast majority of abortions are performed.

For those rare exceptions (where the mother’s life is legitimately in peril), committing an act of evil for the sake of accomplishing a perceived good is still unacceptable (see Romans 3:8). It is just as inexcusable to kill the baby to save the mother as it would be to kill the mother to save the baby.

And, on the subject of me not being a woman, I consulted my wife on this very matter not long before she became pregnant with our daughter. Guess what she said. If doctors told her that her pregnancy would surely kill her, she’d go through with it anyway.

Reason? She had a few, actually.

For starters, God is far greater and wiser than all of the doctors on our planet put together and she believes in the power of earnest prayer.

Secondly, she also believes that abortion is murder and knows that God would forgive her far faster than she’d ever forgive herself for choosing to extinguish the most innocent of life forms in the interest of self-preservation.

Thirdly, she prefers to be a good spirit for the Lord to being a living human being guilty of killing a defenseless fetus.

And finally, she is reminded of the words of Jesus in Mark 8:35 where He says,

“For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it.”

She’d rather lose her life for the right reasons than to keep it for the wrong ones. “So, what about cases of rape or incest?” Well, let’s do those next then, shall we?

RAPE AND/OR INCEST: Here’s the classic “Two wrongs don’t make a right” scenario. In short: Rape is a sin. Incest is a sin. Murder is a sin.

No woman will set things right by answering one act of evil with another.

When a woman becomes pregnant, she’s already a mother whether she wants to be or not. The difference is whether her pregnancy will end with a living baby or a dead one. Regardless of how a new life is created and regardless of the physical health of this life, we’re talking about an innocent soul.

Are we (as flawed and sinful humans) qualified to gauge the value of a human life based on its physical state and/or the circumstances surrounding its creation?

Do we have the right to end that life because of what we think the child might grow to be or what other people will think or say about that child?

I say no..... and, near as I can tell, God agrees.

Certain sexual acts that lead to a conception can be as ugly as Satan himself, but the soul that God provides is still pure. With even the most debilitating and grotesque birth defects, humans can still live, love, pray and worship. They can lead productive lives and they can inspire people to do great things.

Unless, of course, they’re murdered before they ever get the chance to take their first breath.

As for victims of rape, we’re dealing with the same basic truth. Rape is an extremely ugly act of evil, second only to murder. I understand how a woman can loathe her rapist, but can a woman really loathe and despise her growing fetus, regardless of how she got it?

Only if she fails to realize who is innocent and who is guilty in this act of rape.

The growing baby certainly didn’t commit any crime, so why does s/he have to receive the death penalty? Will killing the baby heal the anguish that the woman is suffering as a result of the rape?

Surprisingly (or maybe not surprisingly, depending on what you believe), the vast majority of women who abort babies that are spawned from rape or incest actually come away from the experience feeling even worse. Many of these women go from having to deal with being raped to having to deal with being raped, plus their newly-acquired post-abortion trauma. And yet so many people out there assume that erasing the baby somehow erases the trauma.

It doesn’t.

In fact, if there was ever anything that had a halfway decent shot of healing some of the woman’s post-rape trauma, it would be taking care of the baby. There’s also the very real risk that the raped woman who has an abortion might actually sustain physical damage. It is said that three to five percent of women who have an abortion are left sterile. Still others suffer complications, such as infection, uterine and cervical tearing and a host of other maladies. Still others who manage to become pregnant wind up having miscarriages as a result of the permanent damage done to the woman’s body as a result of the abortion.

It’s almost like having God tell you, “No dice, lady. You had your shot. I blessed your womb and you murdered my creation.” So, now this woman has the rape, the abortion and her sterility to deal with. Doesn't sound like an equitable deal to me.

Quick Story: A thirteen year old girl was raped back in 1896 and became pregnant. She delivered a girl who would later become a Broadway sensation; a famed African-American Jazz and gospel singer by the name of Ethel Waters. Wikipedia the name. It's an interesting story; one which would have never existed, had Ethel been aborted.

HEALTH OF THE BABY: Now we get to an abortion rationale to which I can relate. Some women choose to have an abortion if there’s a chance their baby will be born with some sort of physical abnormality or mental retardation such as Downs Syndrome. Sometimes, the mother aborts due to a disease that she has that she fears will be transmitted to the fetus (i.e.: AIDS). So the baby is aborted as an act of perceived mercy so that he or she won’t have to live a terrible life.

Again, however, we don’t have the right (at least not under God’s law) to decide these things for ourselves. You don’t know God’s plan any more than I do. For all we know, the child who would have been born as (Heaven forbid) a Harlequin baby just might have had a positive and lasting effect on the few who would bear witness to his brief existence. Maybe witnessing this baby would somehow draw souls to Jesus. We can’t possibly know what God’s grand design is, so we must continue to treat every baby and potential baby as precious, because every one of them IS precious in the eyes of God.

And I said that this “health of the baby” excuse is relevant to me because my wife and I were faced with a health dilemma in the first months of her pregnancy. After preliminary blood tests were done, the doctors said that there was a fair chance that our baby would be born with Downs Syndrome. That was disturbing to hear, for sure, but what I found even more disturbing was that our counselor’s first suggestion was to abort the baby.

Because there was a chance our baby MIGHT have Downs Syndrome.

I acknowledged my wife’s legal (though not God-given) right to choose by saying the following, “I know it’s my wife’s decision, but if it were left up to me, I’d say there’s no way in hell I’d ever consider aborting this baby. He or she will be loved no less, regardless of how s/he is born.” My wife told the counselor that she agreed with me 100% and that she would love this baby with all of her heart no matter what.

Then the counselor offered us a chance to have an amniocentesis done to confirm with 100% accuracy one way or the other. This procedure had a 1/100 chance of miscarriage. We said that “one in one hundred” is a gamble that neither of us was willing to take. Sure, most women might have either gone ahead with the amnio or fretted out her remaining months.

My wife chose a road not often traveled.

She continued carrying our child in blissful ignorance. She saw our baby for what she was and is: a blessing from God.

And where I come from, you don’t turn down a gift just because you don't like the way it's wrapped.

In short, the pregnancy ran its course and our daughter was born… perfectly healthy and free of Downs Syndrome, praise be to the LORD. If, God forbid, the baby dies in childbirth, then that means that God brought your baby's soul home. And make no mistake - that is God’s right to do so. We as humans do NOT have the right to release a soul; not even our own.

If the baby is found to have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, then that’s the mother’s fault and perhaps raising said child would serve as a permanent reminder of the dangers of alcohol consumption. In fact, virtually any drug can adversely affect a fetus. You might think Prozac’s the way to go, but trust me, your baby won’t agree.

Now, this next set of excuses falls under the general category of, “You should have thought of that before you spread your legs.” Let’s begin:

I JUST CAN’T AFFORD A CHILD: Here’s a news flash: The majority of parents on this PLANET can’t "afford" the child(ren) they have, but you owe it to your own flesh and blood to do everything you can to try and make it work. Contrary to popular belief, quality of life is NOT defined by whether or not you have an iPod.

If there’s one lesson I learned by working in a supermarket as a teenager, it’s that our government can help you out quite a bit if you ask. WIC checks, food stamps, welfare… you name it.

If you truly can’t afford to keep your child’s heart beating (regardless of whatever help you might get from the government, your family or, dare I say it, the father of the child), then adoption is always an option. Sure it might be emotionally painful, but giving up your baby for adoption isn’t a sin.

Murdering your child, however, IS.

Besides, if my daughter turns seven and, God forbid, we can’t afford her anymore, that doesn’t give me the right to shoot her ass, does it?

I DON’T WANT TO BE A SINGLE PARENT: And to think there are millions of people out there who think the notion of “no sex before marriage” is unrealistic and ludicrous. Trust me, I was one of them. I had sex WAY before marriage, used condoms, the whole nine. But with all of that, I knew in my heart and soul that if I had ever gotten anybody pregnant, abortion would not have been an option - at least not with me.

This is merely ONE of the reasons why abstinence is the absolute best option for anyone who is not rich enough, not old enough or not mature enough to have a baby. But damn, it’s just so easy to have sex, isn’t it? Most people who engage in sexual intercourse have at least a passing knowledge as to how a baby is made, yet so many unwanted pregnancies occur each year. Proof positive that with all of our technology, we’re no smarter now than we were thousands of years ago. These are usually the same enlightened clowns who think that gay marriage is just A-OK.

It’s like watching apes use an Etch-a-Sketch.

I’M TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A CHILD: Then you were too young to be having sex, weren’t you? Again, if you can’t handle the blessing God gave you, give your child to someone who IS ready to carry the burden. Odds are, the prospective parents you choose won’t look at your baby as a "burden." at all. And fear not, because I’m fairly certain the waiting list of loving couples who are anxious to adopt is at least a couple of years long.

Yes, the emotional pain of having to give your child up for adoption might be tremendous, but take solace in the fact that, at the very least, you’re giving your child a chance to live his life. No matter how you try to spin it, the majority of pregnant “children” aren’t victims of their pregnancies - they’re participants.

I DON’T WANT OTHERS TO KNOW I HAD SEX/GOT PREGNANT: This is pretty much THE... MOST... IMMATURE reason in existence for killing an unborn baby. Occasionally, the glittering princess gets knocked off of her pedestal. Life sucks that way sometimes. You might not want everybody to know that you got “knocked up,” but guess who already knows.

God knows.

And what’s more, God knew you’d get pregnant EONS before you even existed.

“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.”

Jeremiah 1:5

Remember that no pregnancy can ever be hidden from God.

“For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.”

Psalm 139:13-16

PARENTS/BOYFRIEND MADE ME ABORT: This is a LIE, because nobody can make you have an abortion, even if you’re pregnant at the age of twelve. Granted, it’s tough to make a monumentally mature decision at that age, but like I said, that’s yet another reason why a girl should wait until marriage before having sex.

Most states need the consent of at least one parent or guardian if a minor wishes to have an abortion, but the state must also have the full consent of the minor before terminating her pregnancy. If a minor faces threats by one or both of her parents (or even her boyfriend) to “have an abortion or else,” she can go to the police or the courts for help.

She needn’t give in to threats, though even I’ll admit that the average 12 year old pregnant girl probably has neither the maturity nor the composure to think rationally enough to invoke all of her legal rights. It doesn’t make the abortion any less wrong, but odds are that even abortion opponents won’t come down too hard on a scared child who caves into pressure by adults with far stronger intimidation tactics.

CHEAPER TO ABORT THAN TO HAVE A WELFARE BABY: Well, if your interest is in saving the tax payers some money, why not go the full nine? Let’s kill all potential AND realized welfare babies? Why stop at fetuses if the almighty dollar is what’s really at stake? Let’s just start wiping out the children who are already straining my tax dollars? If we allow morality to take a back seat to thrift, this is the logical route.

Clearly the idea of rubbing out kids is preposterous but, as far as God is concerned, so is the idea of wiping out unborn children.

MY BODY, MY CHOICE: Hmm, catchy…. but wrong. It ain’t always your choice just because it’s your body. After all, last time I checked, you can’t legally sell your body for sex, nor can you legally ingest cocaine, so why should it be legal to destroy the contents of your womb?

Plus, at least with the first two examples, it really IS only your body. With abortion, it’s your body AND your baby’s body. So, why doesn’t your unborn child have a choice? You certainly have a choice. You can choose to remain abstinent or roll the dice and have sex. That is your choice, but with any gamble, there's a chance you may lose and you have to be prepared to live with that choice. And speaking of choice, I’ve been seeing the term “anti-choice” thrown around a LOT lately to describe “pro-lifers” such as myself. To anybody who chooses to label somebody like me as “anti-choice” just because I value the life of an innocent unborn child, I have just one thing to say to you.

GO F**K YOURSELVES!

Seriously, go f**k yourselves, you evil prick bastards!

Do you really believe that you will somehow make ME look like the evil one if you’re the ones condoning the murder of innocent fetuses? Do you somehow think that by changing the words, you’ll somehow change the action? If anybody is anti-choice, it’s the "pro-choice" movement for the simple fact that YOU AREN’T GIVING THE BABY A CHOICE.

You are completely denying the unborn baby any say in its own fate. The baby doesn't get a choice on whether he gets to live or die. You'd rather subject an innocent, defenseless fetus to a barbaric death than take responsibility for your own pleasure-seeking actions. Would you like me to start calling you “pro-murder” crusaders?

No?

Then shut the f**k up!

IT’S JUST A BLOB: Ohhh, nothing gets my blood boiling hotter than this little pearl of faux-wisdom. I’ll have you know that the STRONG MAJORITY of aborted fetuses already have arms, legs, hands, toes and a beating heart before they’re butchered to death. Just because it’s little doesn’t make it any less human. Yet, people try to kid themselves by calling a fetus a blob so that they won’t feel guilty about killing it.

I couldn't even begin to quantify the amount of joy and love I had for my daughter when she was no bigger than the size of a grain of rice. Do you think she was "just a blob" to me?

Hell no!

In the very first day when sperm meets egg, all of the baby’s genetic information (including gender, hair and eye color) is determined. And in the fetus’s twentieth day, the beginnings of the brain, spinal cord and nervous system are already established.

Yet, we always hear the same irrelevant bullsh*t questions being asked like, “When does life begin?”

Yes, it may take several weeks before the fetus has any shot of surviving outside of the mother’s womb, but make no mistake – life begins at conception. Once the sperm cell has penetrated the woman’s egg, life has begun. This is not up for debate. This is FACT.

How do I know this?

Because dead cells are incapable of mitosis (cell division). One cell becomes two, which become four, which become eight, etc. If the original zygote were not alive, this process simply would not be possible. Yet, people attempt to grade the worthiness of a fetus to live, based on how much time its been growing in the womb. It's the earliest form of elitism that we humans are exposed to in our lives.

If you've been in the womb for more than 24 weeks, you're deemed worthy enough to live and worthy enough to receive protection under the law. If you've been alive for 23 weeks, we can legally kill you.

Yeah, okay. Tell me this world's not going straight to hell.

THE PLANET’S ALREADY OVERPOPULATED: So, why the f**k are we spending billions of dollars a year on finding ways to lengthen life spans? Why do innocent fetuses have to pay the price because a band of idiots thinks the planet is full?

Wanna save some money? Cut funding for medical research and let humans die whenever their bodies decide to fall apart. F**k finding a cure for cancer, AIDS or whatever. Spend that money on ammo and guns and let's start shooting whoever's not worthy of living in our eyes.

And while we’re at it (....and we apparently see nothing wrong with murdering innocent fetuses), let's snuff out the elderly folks, too. I got nothing against old folks, but let’s face facts. Murder is murder, but at least the old timers have lived their lives. Plus, God knows that the golden oldies are using up way more resources than fetuses are, so you’ll save money there, too.

THIS BABY WILL HAVE A TERRIBLE LIFE ANYWAY: Oh, really? You can tell that already? Wow, and I thought Nostradamus died hundreds of years ago.

What is this? Gattaca?

So now, apparently, abortion is a mercy killing to save the unborn child from a life of misery. Well, if that’s the case, let’s wipe out the kids who are already miserable. If abortion is humane if done to prevent misery in the unborn baby’s life, then certainly it’d be that much more humane to knock off the kids who are living in poverty, starving or are having the sh*t beaten out of them on a daily basis, right?

Come to think of it, didn’t slave-owners use that exact same rationale to justify keeping slaves? After all, the slaves weren’t starving to death in a third-world country anymore, because we “rescued” them, brought them to America, gave them a full day’s work, food, water, clothing and shelter, right? Yet, few Americans today would argue in favor of making slavery legal again, would they?

DON’T LIKE ABORTIONS – DON’T HAVE ONE: Another cute, yet merit-less bumper sticker. It’s what people say when they can’t adequately defend their pro-choice (anti-life?) position. Although it should be noted that this message does have a ring of truth to it. The mistake we make is asking the wrong person for their opinions on abortion.

We really oughta be asking the unborn child this question.

“Hey, little one. Comfy in there? Gooood. Hey, here’s a question.

How would you like to be ripped to shreds, ground up like hamburger and dumped in a landfill?

What? No?

You WOULDN’T want that? Well gee whiz, I guess we shouldn’t kill you then, huh?”

I’m sure there are plenty of other “reasons” to have an abortion, but I think I’ve made my point. Besides, addressing these common excuses is only serving to make me more cynical and sarcastic. My very simple point is that abortion cannot be justified under ANY circumstances.

Politicians, judges and layfolk can argue this until Armageddon, but abortion is one of the worst possible sins a human being can commit, no matter how they try to spin it. God can forgive this sin, mind you, but not if you’re trying to convince yourself that abortion is anything other than what it is:

MURDER.