Hillary and Obama Both Suck

Well, if you’re a John McCain fan at the time I’m writing this, then you’re thrilled to pieces at watching Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton absolutely obliterate any chance the Democrats might have had at taking back the White House. I’m aware that Hillary has her legions of supporters and Obama seemingly has more, but I happen to think they’re both a couple of dumbasses and I couldn’t be happier at watching these two nimrods destroy their party from within.

I mean, c'mon! McCain hasn’t even had to DO anything yet.

Usually by now, the Republicans have their star, the Dems have theirs and the race to 1600 Penn Ave is on. Yet, neither Clinton nor Obama have really been able to put a dent in McCain’s chassis because they’ve been too busy contending with each other. Way back when talks first surfaced of Hillary throwing her hat into the ring, I called it.

I said, “Hillary doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning the presidency.” At the time, most of the people with whom I shared that particular opinion thought I was nuts.

I wonder what they think now?

Not long after Bush started his second term as president, I’d heard whispers of somebody named Barack Hussein Obama. Only he wasn’t a terrorist and he wasn’t harboring weapons of mass destruction (…at least I don’t think he was). He was presumed to be a future contender for the presidency.

The United States presidency.

I was like, “Who the hell is this Obama guy and why would anybody be stupid enough to elect a guy with a name like that to our country’s highest office?” I know that the 9/11 tragedy happened close to seven years ago, but the wounds are still there. “I'd never even heard of this ass-clown until like four years ago, so who's gonna actually vote for this guy?” I thought.

Well, apparently quite a few people bought into the Obama fad. I don't know - Maybe it’s my immaturity, but don’t we have any viable candidates with a name that isn’t reminiscent of two of the most evil men of our time? Anyway, once the campaigns kicked off several months ago, I started doing research on this guy. He’s about as far right on the liberal track as you can possibly get as a politician… and I’m fairly close to the edge of the left, so you can imagine what his odds are of scoring a vote from me. He’ll win the state I live in, but I guarantee you it’ll be without my help.

“But as of the date I’m reading this, Barack Obama hasn’t even officially won his party’s nomination. How can you say he’ll win your state?” Because he just will. Because my state is so sickeningly liberal that they’d vote for a potato if it touted the merits of abortion and gay rights.

As I’m writing this blog entry, Obama is just now starting to set his sights exclusively on McCain because his lead in pledged delegates is now pretty much insurmountable. Just the other day, he took North Carolina convincingly while Clinton barely took Indiana. So, going forward, Obama is unlikely to give Clinton a second thought.

But here’s the part that I absolutely, positively LOVE.

Hillary Clinton, so famished for power, simply REFUSES to concede. She has pretty much ZERO chance of winning her party’s nomination, but it’s not penetrating that thick head of hers. And here’s another great thing about this Celebrity Deathmatch we’ve been watching. Clinton’s already done the lion’s share of research and subsequent anti-Obama muck-tossing in a desperate attempt to erode voters’ confidence. She’s gone on the record several times, insisting that Obama just isn’t electable, while speaking of a possible gas tax holiday.

Not only is Obama electable, but a gas tax holiday is pretty much the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard come out of a candidate’s mouth. Either she’s really dumb or she’s really smart and is hoping that every American voter is dumb. Day One of any economics class will cover supply, demand and how price is determined based on the first two. If supply is high and demand is low, prices are low. If supply is low (or steady) and demand is high, prices can be high.

Gas is ridiculously f**king expensive. So, will a gas tax holiday help? Of course not. Any idiot with a semi-functioning brain could tell you that. It’s a perceived aid for an ever-rising problem that will continue to rise because nobody’s chipping away at demand. Our president needs to look at the long-range solution that will WORK.

Memo to Hillary: Focus on alternate sources of fuel, numbnuts!

If we can find and mass-produce altenate fuel sources, that will cut into demand… which will finally lower gas prices. A gas tax holiday is a cheap "tell them what they wanna hear long enough to get me elected" tactic that only the biggest idiots would ever consider tossing into a presidential campaign because the majority of upright Americans will see right through it.

Meanwhile, McCain has barely needed to lift a finger or spend much money. Having locked down his party's nomination ages ago, he's been able to campaign at his pace and spend at his pace. That'll all change soon enough, but luckily for McCain, he's got plenty of fodder ready to fire - thanks to Hillary and Obama. These two fools are already tearing each other apart and revealing their stupidity at nearly every turn.

But the bleeding won’t end yet. Oh, no no noooooo! Clinton won’t concede. She’s not only flat-ass broke, but she's now MILLIONS of dollars in debt… and yet she keeps limping forward, uttering annoying catchphrases like, “Full speed ahead to the White House.” Yeah, full speed with no brakes. Luckily, the White House is gated, lest she plow through the pillars at the front.

It’s no wonder that, nowadays, her campaign speeches begin with requests for more money. She's gonna have to write another couple of brain-numbing books if she ever hopes to crawl out of that hole. I'll be honest here - I hated her when she was a power hungry first lady, but seeing her true colors in this campaign, I've learned to loathe her all that much more.

So clear is the fact that she’s irrationally desperate for power that even some of Hillary’s “supporters” are switching sides. Without a doubt, she was confident coming into the fray – so confident, in fact, that she all but assumed that securing the nomination would be like a quick knock out blow as opposed to a twelve round split decision. She certainly didn’t prepare for such a long haul, evident by her poor campaigning strategies and her inability to pull in the volume of campaign funds that the Obama crew did.

Who the hell would trust this daffy freak with nuclear launch codes? For that matter, who would trust a dude with a name like Barack Hussein Obama with our nukes? But, at the very least, I gotta give this Obama guy credit. Sure, he can’t bowl for sh*t, but he stayed cool, calm, collected and non-confrontational for most of this campaign. He never looked desperate or famished for power. All he really did was to put forth a quiet air of confidence and a steady hand.

Meanwhile, virtually every still bug-eyed shot I’ve seen of Hillary on the net would be enough to scare little children into hiding under the covers. No wonder Bill looks like complete hell.

So, unless Hillary manages to uncover the biggest scandal of all time against Obama in the next few days, she’s toast. Even then, I think that anything less than Obama having ties to al-Qaeda wouldn’t do anything except hurt his chances against John McCain in November. And thanks to Camp Hillary, McCain’s already got plenty of free ammo to fire at Obama. In short, the only chance Hillary Clinton has at becoming the president in 2009 is if she is offered and accepts the vice-president’s spot on the Obama ticket, they win and she has him rubbed out.

Beyond that, she can kiss the Oval Office good-bye.