My Bank of America Counter-Attack

I’ve never been all that fond of banks, but it’s clear that we have a basic need for them and, as such, I’ve been a customer of Bank of America for a number of years now. Yet, once in a while, their business practices kinda piss me off, particularly when it comes to overdraft fees and their need to put holds on large checks for several days more than what it would take to make a call to the bank from which the check came and confirm sufficient funds.

Yet, I’ve put up with this stuff for years prior to this most recent occurrence. In short, I filed jointly with my wife as usual. She and I agreed that she'd take last year's refund and that, this year, we'd split it 50/50. I already had the money in my account to cover half, so about a week or so before receiving the checks, I transferred half of our return to her account. Once the checks came in, we both agreed that I'd toss them into my account.

So, I deposited said tax refund checks into my personal checking account. The state check seemed to clear without issue, as did the federal check, although it took slightly longer for the federal check to clear. Yet, all funds were made available to me in a few short days and the funds remained intact for about eight days. Then, out of the blue, I had been made aware of a hold that was placed against my account when a supermarket purchase was denied authorization. I’d come to find out that some mysterious hold had been placed on my big federal check and that Bank of America had allowed four previous purchases to go through with a $35.00 overdraft fee accompanying each one.

I received letters in the mail about a week later to advise me of this, which as you can imagine is about as useful as receiving a parachute a week after you’ve hit the ground following a 25,000 foot skydive. I was pissed off.

Very pissed off.

And make no mistake about it – I resolved to walk into that bank and have it out with whomever had the misfortune of getting in my way. The account hold couldn’t have come at a worse time, too. I was hours away from taking a train to New York City with my 15 month old daughter and simply wasn’t going to have the time I was gonna need to deal with this bullsh*t, so I decided to have this fight after I returned to Boston. My wife lent me what little money she had to ensure that I’d have enough to keep my little one properly fed.

I got back the other day and arrived at my bank. And yes, I came to fight. I came to be belligerent and I had every intention to be sarcastic as hell whenever the mood hit me. Why? Because it's high time that somebody stepped up to these a$$wipes and lay into them for some of the devious tactics they employ to squeeze more money out of us to line their own pockets.

For simplicity’s sake, I decided to bring a pocket recorder so that I could transcribe the exact words of the bank manager as well as my own vicious words. And for anybody out there thinking to themselves that what I did was illegal, know this. It's only illegal if you plan on using the recording as evidence in court and you fail to advise the other party that you are recording their words. Not only did I have no intention on bringing this to court, but I erased the recording shortly after transcribing what you're about to read.

So, here’s how our battle of wits played itself out. If my words seem at all rehearsed, they absolutely were. I wanted to be ready to fire out a rapid response for every conceivable excuse with which I was bound to get hit. I literally wanted to have an answer for everything and I did my best to anticipate everything I was going to hear once I was inside. I mentally prepped myself for this confrontation during my time in New York, right at the point where my blood was at its boiling point. And if it’s not blatantly obvious, I’m playing the role of the Pissed Off Banker:

Bank Manager: “Sir, do you need help?”

Pissed Off Banker: “Yes. Yes I do.”

BM: “Okay, how can I help you?”

POB: “Well, a shade over ten thousand of my dollars has gone missing and I’d really like to have it back.”

BM: “Okay, well I can guarantee you that I didn’t take it.” (laughs)

POB: “Well, that’s a start. One down.”

BM: “And about nineteen million to go, right?” (laughs again)

POB: “Well, hopefully not.” (I pulled out my paperwork; a recent account history, plus a scanned copy of the government check I received for $10,386.00). “As you can see here, I deposited two checks into my account on March 10^th.”

BM: “Okay.”

POB: “By March 12^th, the funds appeared in my account and remained there for just over a week, leading me to believe that all was well. Here you will see the 57 transactions that followed which represent various purchases, automatic bill payment withdrawals and “Keep the Change” credits… all made subsequent to the checks having cleared.”

BM: “Um, hum.”

POB: “On March 20^th, the bank saw fit to put a hold on my government check for $10,386.00 which, as you can see, means taking the money out of my account and denying me access to it. Note the negative balance here. And here are four purchases I made after the hold was placed and right next to each purchase, you’ll see a nifty little $35.00 overdraft charge accompanying each transaction.”

BM: “Well, sir. What I’m showing….”

POB: “The fifth purchase was not authorized, which alerted me to the fact that there was a problem.”

BM: “Right, well what I’m showing on your account is that the hold on your account has been lifted as of this morning, so your money is now present, accounted for and ready to use.”

(I'd checked my account in the early morning hours of that day online and my account was still in the red, so seeing that the money was back in my account admittedly took a little bit of the wind out of my sails. But I wasn't done yet. Not by a long shot.)

POB: “Well, that’s obviously good news and I’m thankful for that because now I can purchase petty contrivances like food and diapers for my infant daughter, but the fact that the bank’s business practices have caused a serious breach of trust is still unresolved, not to mention the overdraft fees that have yet to be refunded.”

BM: “Well, there’s not a lot I can do about the overdraft fees, but let me ask you a question.”

POB: “Well, then kindly fetch the bank manager for me.”

BM: (slightly annoyed) “Sir, I am the bank manager.”

POB: “Then we are unfortunately off to a very bad start because I know that there’s actually a LOT that a bank manager can do about overdraft fees, but… go ahead. Ask your question.”

BM: “Uh…. okay. This check that was put on hold, was it deposited through a teller or in an ATM machine?”

POB: “ATM.”

BM: “And was this a remote ATM location?”

POB: “Well, if you call that ATM machine over there remote, then yeah.” (I pointed to the ATM machine at the entrance of the bank). “I deposited my two refund checks about 30 feet from where we’re standing.”

BM: “And did you deposit these checks in a joint account or your own account?”

POB: “I deposited them in my own checking account.”

BM: “Well, that’s the problem because, as you can see, the check was made out to both you and your wife, so if she didn’t countersign it, either we or the feds could have put up the red flag.”

POB: “And that would make sense, except for the fact that I’ve been filing jointly with my wife now for four years, we’ve deposited checks in the same fashion for those years and this is the first time anything like this has ever happened.”

BM: “But sir. Any check that you deposit that is made out to two people needs to be signed by both parties.”

POB: “And that would also make sense, except for the fact that this check from the State is made out to the both of us and nothing’s happened to it.” (I showed her our state refund for $2,838.00).

BM: “Well….. let me see the check, please. Okay, this is under $10,000.00 so it probably went unnoticed.”

POB: “Oh, well that’s really comforting.”

BM: “Well, what I mean is that we can’t possibly look at every check that comes through this bank. We just don’t have the staff for it. So only checks with a dollar amount over a certain value ever get that second look.”

POB: “I find it interesting that so many businesses will use that “understaffed” excuse, yet there are tens of thousands of people in this state alone that are looking for jobs.”

BM: “Regardless of that, had your wife countersigned the check, there might not have been a hold put on the check in the first place.”

POB: “Might not have?”

BM: “In all likelihood, probably not.”

POB: “Well, I’m sure you can understand how I could be led under a false sense of security here, given the fact that, in four years, this is the first time this has happened.”

BM: “Only because the check is so big.”

POB: “And that would make sense as well, except for the fact that in our second year, I deposited a check even larger than this with only one signature and everything went off without a hitch.”

BM: “But we get complaints from both ends all the time. On the other side, we’ve had complaints from angry wives who were mad at us for allowing their husbands to cash checks that were made out to both of them.”

POB: “Yes, but you know as well as I do that those are domestic issues that are not your responsibility in the first place.”

BM: “But that’s what I’m trying to say. See, we’re gonna have arguments on both ends and we’re the bad guys no matter what.”

POB: “Fair enough.”

BM: “Now, if you have this daughter of yours, do you really want to risk gambling with your own money, especially if you need to buy food and diapers for her?”

POB: “I’m sorry. Gambling, did you say?”

BM: “Yes, you’re much better off just having checks of this nature countersigned.”

POB: “Well, I didn't realize that banking with Bank of America was tantamount to gambling, but I’ll be sure to keep that in mind for the future. My point here is that you have to see this whole mess from my perspective. I cashed these checks in the exact same fashion for several years without an issue. Last year, my wife took the refund checks and she deposited them into her checking account as the lone signatory, again without a hitch.”

BM: “But, if you sprint across the street four times without getting hit by a car, does that make it safe to try it a fifth time?”

POB: “Do you really wanna make that analogy?”

BM: “Sure. It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

POB: “Well, I find it enlightening that you equate doing business with Bank of America to getting hit by a two ton vehicle, but hey, if it makes sense to you....”

BM: (chuckles nervously) “I’m afraid you’re missing my point.”

POB: “Then fear no more because, trust me, I got it. However, I suspect that you might not be understanding where I’m coming from. See, I could’ve just put my money under a mattress once the funds cleared and been done with this headache, but I choose to go to a bank because there’s supposed to be a level of trust and security. I’ve done my part and I’ve deposited scores of checks here over the last few years. Does that monitor you have in front of you keep a record of how many of my checks have bounced?”

BM: “Well sir, I’d need some time to research that, so I don’t think….”

POB: “Then let me save you some time. None. Zero. Every check I’ve ever deposited here has been valid. I’ve established that I can be trusted, but what does it say to you that, this most disturbing event has caused me to lose trust in Bank of America?”

BM: “Sir, I’ve explained to you that your funds were put on hold due to…..”

POB: “Put on hold as of March 20^th! But prior to that, the funds had cleared and the money was available to use within my account for over a full week! So, either the bank held the funds as an act of malice or they completely dropped the ball and placed the hold on way too late. And between being evil and being incompetent, I would imagine that being reviled is the lesser of two evils.”

BM: “But we're neither... because now the funds are available to use. Here, see for yourself.” (she showed me the screen displaying the available funds).

POB: “And again, that’s great and I’m happy to see that, but now we need to discuss these bogus overdraft fees and what you can do to reimburse me.”

BM: “Sir, you as the banker have a responsibility to know how much is in your account prior to making any purchase, so if your account showed a negative balance and you continued to make purchases, then you are liable for those overdraft charges.”

POB: “But don’t you think it’s unreasonable to expect me to go to an ATM machine before making every purchase when I have no reasonable cause to believe that a near ten thousand dollar balance won’t be quite enough to cover the cost of a box of Tic-Tacs?”

BM: “Well, perhaps, but you didn’t have a near ten thousand dollar balance, did you?”

POB: “I did... until Bank of America stole my money!”

BM: “Well, I wouldn’t use such strong language, sir.”

POB: “What strong language?”

BM: “Stole. Nobody stole anything from you.”

POB: “You know, maybe you’re right. So, let's see. I HAD ten grand in this account, I didn’t withdraw it, didn’t spend it, didn’t move it and didn’t misplace it… yet the money was removed from my account without my knowledge or consent. Now if I can just think of a verb that could accurately embody the description I just gave.”

BM: “Sir, you don’t have to be sarcastic with me. Besides, the funds are right here, so what do you call that?”

POB: “Uhh, I don't know. Thieves' Remorse? Victim Compensation? Justice? Am I getting warm?”

BM: (laughs) “Sir, please understand that I’m only trying to help.”

POB: “Great, then have a look at the four overdraft fees you guys hit me with, each for $35.00 on an account that had plenty of funds to cover the purchases. Thirty-five times four is 140, so if you’d be so kind as to put the $140.00 back into my account, I’ll be on my way.”

BM: “I can probably refund you one overdraft charge, but…”

POB: “Well, that’s obviously unacceptable, seeing as how Bank of America willingly allowed me to incur FOUR times that amount before putting a stop to it. Why is that, incidentally?”

BM: “Why is what?”

POB: “Why does Bank of America allow for continuous overdraft fees to incur instead of just stopping the first attempt to purchase something when no funds are apparent?”

BM: “Well, the short answer is because it costs Bank of America more money to deny authorization of a purchase.”

POB: “So, instead of costing the multi million dollar entity a few dollars to do its job, the customer is forced to pay the price instead?”

BM: “Again, this goes back to the customer’s responsibility of making sure that he or she has enough funds to…”

POB: “I think I’ve already proven beyond any reasonable doubt that I had the funds to cover it, so why don’t we just stay on-track with this issue? Simply put, if Bank of America has the ability to deny authorization on the fifth transaction, then it has the ability to deny it on the first which is precisely what should have happened. After all, the Bank had to cough up the money to stop the authorization anyway, so now we’re just looking at the four unnecessary overdraft fees.”

BM: (sighs heavily, clearly exasperated at this point).

POB: “Okay, while you’re taking this time to breathe heavily, I’ll lay it out for you. I see this going one of two ways. The way it goes will be entirely up to you. Either you refund the four overdraft fees and I leave moderately happy or.... you don’t refund the fees, I pull every nickel out of my account today – in cash - get my wife to do the same, recommend to all of my friends to do likewise and I file a formal complaint against this branch of Bank of America to the Better Business Bureau with an option to submit a written version of my story to every major news station, hoping to God that one of them decides it might be worth looking into and, who knows, maybe even doing an exposé. The choice is really up to you. I’m fine with either option at this point.”

By this time, it was evident that the bank manager couldn’t hide the anger in her eyes, so she started typing sh*t onto her computer. After a few seconds, it became clear to me that she was doing a refund with “reason” being typed out as “extenuating circumstances.” She put $135.00 dollars back into my account - $35.00 for the first overdraft fee and an extra $100.00 manager override. Yes, that left me five bucks shy, but I had most of my money back and decided to leave before the temptation to utter profanities hit me.

She told me of the refund and showed me on the screen. She even suggested that I could check the ATM machine just outside if I wanted to see it for myself. She gave me a receipt and a copy of the “New Customer” booklet that all newbies receive when they open up an account with Bank of America. I was gonna let her off the hook, but this was clearly her own little "f**k you" to me without actually using the words, so I decided to deliver the parting shot.

I reciprocated by telling her that, now that I know that balances of under $10,000.00 are barely looked at for at least a week, I'm tempted to tell all of my friends to deposit a slice of bologna into their account for $9,999.99 and be sure to cash it out before Bank of America picks up on the fact that they're paying a small fortune for rancid deli meats. By this time, however, she just kept her gaze focused on her screen and, through gritted teeth, asked if there was anything else she could help me with. I thanked her for her time and left without any bloodshed.

Sure, I'll admit that I was a total a$$hole on this day, but if they expect to keep their customers satisfied, they're gonna have to start looking out for the customer's interests before their own. And if they need extra hands on-deck..... hey, I'm looking for work. Let's talk salary, just don't ask me to do direct deposit.

I'm just not in a gambling mood.