Transformers (2007): My Review

Before I dig in with my hundreds of unsolicited opinions regarding the Transformers movie, let me just get this out of the way right now.

The Transformers movie was kick ass.

Phenomenal CG work, decent plotline and enough action to satiate my appetite for explosions and battling robots. I threw that out there because, like most diehard Transformers fans, I had my issues with the movie. Nothing unforgivable, mind you, but they warrant a negative word or two. There are just certain aspects of the movie that bug me the way a pebble in your shoe would bug you if you had to walk with it long enough. I’ll probably write this in con/pro format, but bear in mind a couple of things.

Again, I really did like this movie a lot. My cons are likely to outweigh my pros, but that’s just because I’m better at whining like a b*tch than I am at doling out praise. Those who gain a negative comment or two are not automatically barred from gaining praise. In fact, many of the characters that I rip on or criticize in my cons will also receive their due praise in my pros.

So, let’s start with the bad stuff first.

MICHAEL BAY PISSED ON THE TF TREE: If you’ve seen Armageddon more than a few times as I have, you’ll pick up on a LOT of similarities. Bay is really big on dramatically filming our armed forces and the heavy artillery they bring with them. He’s also recycling music from the Armageddon soundtrack. I think it was one of the very first scenes where I heard a familiar Armageddon tune. When this movie comes out on DVD, I dare anyone to play that first scene alongside of that scene in Armageddon where Harry Stamper's oil-drilling team arrives at the Johnson Space Center. The soundtrack is identical. They even had someone named Colonel Sharpe in the Transformers movie! Colonel Sharpe is that same dude who shakes Liv Tyler’s hand at the end of Armageddon. Michael Bay is even recycling NAMES.

C’mon, man. There ARE other names out there, you know.

I DARE MEGAN FOX TO CLOSE HER MOUTH: Megan Fox plays Sam’s love interest, Mikaela in this movie. She’s undoubtedly a scorching hot woman, but one thing that just bugged me was the fact that she could never seem to close her lips together. It’s as annoying as a steroid freak who can’t put his arms down by his sides because his lats are flared up like wings. I realize that the open mouth look can be sexy on a woman and Megan Fox is no exception, but sweetheart, trust me when I tell you this.

You’re plenty hot already without having to do the agape mouth routine throughout the entire movie. Next time, ease up on the collagen a bit, okay? Most guys will still wanna bang you harder than a catflap in a hurricane. Be content with that.

LOSE THE AUSSIE ACCENT: The other half of the “Hot Chick Tag Team” is Maggie played by an Australian girl named Rachael Taylor. She’s hot in a plastic kind of way and she’s not hard to look at, but for the love of all that is holy, she is really tough to take on the ears. Her accent is so amazingly thick that it’s annoying. She pronounces the word “know” like “noh-hyuhh” and it just makes me want to hit myself over the head with something blunt and heavy until I draw blood.

Here’s something to check out if you haven’t seen the movie yet. She’s filmed in the middle of two nerd dudes when they’re in the signal analysis room, being briefed by the Secretary of Defense played by Jon Voight (…don’t even get me started on him). Notice how they manage to blur the faces of the two dudes a bit, but her face comes in sharp as a tack. Trust me, I know enough about filming to know that the cameraman could have EASILY gotten all three of them into focus, but no… they give the HD treatment to the Aussie mannequin. Fortunately, she doesn’t speak all that much.

Here’s hoping they cast an equally attractive American girl who speaks normal English for the sequel.

WHERE ARE SPIKE AND SPARKPLUG?: When I first heard the name “Shia LaBeouf,” I thought it was some kind of French appetizer. When I found out he was playing the role of Spike, I was like, “Well, never heard of him, but no biggie.” After all, I hadn’t heard of Brandon Routh either, but I thought he did a respectable job of reprising the Superman role. So, after seeing the movie, I’ll give props to LaBeouf. He played his role very well and he’s believable as Spike. There’s only one problem. They called him “Sam” Witwicky!

I heard the name and said, “Oh, okay. So, his real name is Sam. That’s cool. Wonder when people are gonna start calling him Spike?” Here’s the answer:

Never f**king happens!

He was Sam until the very end of the movie. So, as I’m trying to get the Sam pebble out of my shoe, I get my second kick in the nuts. Sparkplug is also missing. Gone is the mechanical genius who would wind up working alongside of Ratchet, fixing busted up Autobots. And what do we get instead? We get a guy who LOOKS JUST LIKE SPARKPLUG, but whines and b*tches more than my aunt did when she had bone spurs in her feet.

He’s not “Sparkplug.” He’s “Ron.” Oooh, I'm impressed!

He literally spends half of his lines b*tching about people walking on his grass! No, seriously! He really does! He’s seen with a glass of red wine in his hand shortly after bitching out “Sam” for arriving home three minutes late. Are you kidding?

Seriously, are you kidding?

Plus, unlike the cartoon version of Sparkplug, this ass clown shows absolutely no mechanical prowess whatsoever and, near as I can tell, can’t even lay down his cement tile path correctly. He never even sees the seventeen Autobots camped out in his backyard and was, for all intents and purposes, a tremendous disappointment.

Please do something with him in the sequel, Bay. I’m beggin’ ya! Sparkplug was so cool in the cartoon and you’ve reduced him to an old guy sitting on his front porch, yelling at squirrels.

TONGUE-IN-CHEEK HUMOR: It was hard deciding whether this goes under PROS or CONS. In the end, I decided to b*tch about it instead of praise it, but bear in mind, it’s not all bad. The script’s pretty well packed with innuendo and double-entendres. I lost count of the quantity of Sam’s Freudian slips with Mikaela, plus I had to deal with the “more than meets the eye” line like three times in the movie. Then there was the Bill Clinton impressionist asking the Air Force One crewmember if she could “wrangle up some Ding-Dongs” for him. Adding to that, there’s Sam’s mother who shouts at the Feds to “Keep their hands off of my bush.”

And notice how every possible embarrassing thing that could happen to a guy in front of his dream girl happens to Sam? He gets humiliated in class, has his pants taken off in front of her, crashes a girl’s bike in front of her and, worst of all, has to rebuke masturbation questions from his mother whilst in her presence. In real life, there’s no way she would have ever still gone for him with all of those strikes against him. Plus, the other tongue-in-cheek moment I noticed happened with the first Bumblebee scene.

For a diehard TF fan such as myself, it was a disappointment because I saw the exact make and model that Bumblebee adapted for his character in the cartoon (Volkswagon Beetle), but he actually turns out to be this rusty sh*tbox Camaro (later to revamp itself into a much sweeter version), parked right next to the Beetle. However, it’s one of those details that I had to make my peace with long before the movie came out, so I was able to deal. Also, diehard Transformer fans will most definitely catch Prime’s line of , “One shall stand, one shall fall,” taken directly from the 1986 animated movie.

MICHAEL BAY IS A G.M. WHORE: This isn’t a huge gripe, only because according to my friend, General Motors really needs the publicity, but virtually every vehicle in the movie was made by G.M. Again, no biggie, but they certainly don’t win any points for subtlety. I can just see the meeting now:

Bay: "I need sh*t to blow up! Do we have a deal or what?"

G.M. Rep: "Okay, Bay. You give us product placement throughout the movie and we’ll give you 729 G.M. vehicles to blow up and otherwise trash as you see fit."

Assembly Line Worker: "You guys suck. I quit."

WTF IS AN ALLSPARK?: I forgot to ask my aforementioned friend this question when I had the opportunity, but I don’t recall ever seeing anything about an almighty AllSpark in any of the Transformers cartoons. Like many of Bay’s recent movies, this one starts with a monologue. Optimus Prime mentions a cube and, instantly, I’m thinking “Energon Cube.” Instead, it’s this complete ripoff of the Borg Cube, floating in space and it’s apparently responsible for the war on Cybertron. I just didn’t get the point of it, other than it has this amazing magical ability to turn any piece of technology into a whacked-out, gun-toting Decepticon.

One blast from this thing turned a Nokia phone into a miniature Rambo which, in the span of a few seconds, fired off a few dozens rounds and a small missile. If I find out my phone’s got missiles waiting to be launched into my cerebellum, I’m switching back to landlines and pay phones immediately! Everything happens so fast in this movie, but I swear I saw this same Borg Cube turn a Mountain Dew vending machine into a deadly Decepticon. Again, this newly-birthed "Decepticon" just started firing ammo at nobody and for no apparent reason, other than perhaps to vent about the fact that he’s carrying around a couple dozen cans of monkey piss in him for 75 cents a pop.

OKAY, THAT IS SOOOOO NOT MEGATRON: One of the things I had to come to grips with well before the movie’s release was that Frank Welker would not be reprising the role of Megatron for the movie. “Fine, I’ll deal” I said, figuring that he’d still be a bad ass. He was, no doubt, a bad ass Decepticon, but he was NOT Megatron.

The Megatron I knew and loved was this huge, barrel-chested warrior that transformed into a gun and b*tched at Starscream every seventeen seconds. This version looked more like a giant pile of Farberware stainless steel cutlery sets than a Decepticon. I actually had to ask my friend, “What the hell does he transform into? A kitchen?”

Well apparently, he transforms into a flying craft, not unlike Cyclonus in overall shape…. and that’s fine, but it’s NOT MEGATRON! And if I hadn’t read that Hugo Weaving provided the voice of Megs, I’d have neither believed it nor even picked up on it. Agent Smith/the Vendetta dude is doing Megatron now? Hey, whatever works, I suppose.

DEVASTATOR IS NOT ONE TANK: The title pretty much spells out this particular grievance. Devastator is a collection of six construction vehicles (Constructicons) that merge into one giant Decepticon named Devastator. He is NOT just one big ol’ tank. I had heard about the possibility of Devastator making an appearance and almost had a nerdgasm on the spot. Imagine my immense disappointment when all I saw was a four second clip of a rolling tank who actually had the temerity to call itself Devastator.

Bitch, please.

WHERE’S MY REDNECK IRONHIDE?: Similar gripe to the other wannabe Transformers that look nothing like what the cartoon made them out to be. Ironhide is not remotely red anywhere and what’s more disappointing is that he didn’t sound like trailerpark trash at all. I loved how Ironhide always sounded like a pissed off Texan, waiting and itchin’ to kick some ass. What’s even more disappointing is that they HAD the voice talent for Ironhide and didn’t use him. All diehard TF fans know that, along with doing the voice of Optimus Prime, Peter Cullen also voiced Ironhide. Talk about dropping the ball on that one. Plus, surprise, surprise… Ironhide is now a black GMC truck.

My childhood takes another hit.

JAZZ DIES: Even after all these years, my wounds are still a bit raw from the 1986 TF movie where all of the G1 Autobots pretty much die in the first five minutes. Fast-forward to 2005 when I first heard about the TF movie and I was all happy because I was sure they’d bring back all of my favorite characters. So, what did I see? Well, for starters, I saw a bunch of Decepticons I didn’t recognize, but I can deal with that. What was NOT cool, however, was the fact that Megatron kills Jazz. Granted, Megatron kills him in a totally bad ass way, but still.

Jazz steps up to the Ginsu Menace and says, “You want a piece of me?” Megatron grabs him, says I want TWO and rips Jazz in half. That’s f**ked up, I’ll grant you, and it’s par for the course in the realm of Transformer trash talk but why couldn’t Megatron’s victim have been a newer, unknown Autobot? Why not some aimless Autobot pawn who decides he wants to be a hero and winds up getting owned? Though I don’t think a "second in command" was ever officially established in the Transformers mythos, I’m pretty sure that if a survey were to be conducted, Jazz would head to the front of the line. He was always Optimus Prime’s right hand bot, so why did he have to be the one to die? That just really sucked and, what’s worse, it brought back those horrible feelings I had in 1986.

WHO THE HELL IS BARRICADE?: I wasn’t at all surprised to see a police car in the movie because my first thought was, “Aw, cool! It’s Prowl!” Then I saw the side of the car where it read something along the lines of, “To Punish and Enslave” and I thought, “Well, that can’t possibly be Prowl, so who the hell is it?” Off the top of my head, I couldn’t think of any Decepticon Police cars. I found out later that the Decepticon in question was named Barricade. I think there might have been a Barricade character in the cartoon, but I could have sworn he was a race car; not a cop car. Anyway, he does get PRO points for being super bad ass, so stay tuned. What’s funny is that this new "Barricade" is already being sold on eBay, which segues in nicely to my next gripe.

TRANSFORMERS SURF THE WEB?: According to the movie (and Prime), Autobots and Decepticons learned how to speak English through the World Wide Web. And they also like eBay, apparently. Well, if either side knew sh*t about eBay and they really wanted those glasses badly enough, they could have just utilized the “Buy it Now” feature that Sam had for those glasses, PayPalled over the $250.00 that he wanted for them and gotten them that way. So, to recap, they’re really good at hacking into the US Government’s database in mere seconds, fantastic at f**king up Air Force One, but they’re too cheap to cough up a couple hundred bucks for the miniaturized map to ultimate power.

Dumbasses.

FRENZY? REALLY?: Another one who's kind of a PRO and CON dude was Frenzy. Originally, he was a cassette tape, but being in the digital age, he’d have been discarded as passé, so they needed to update him. Trust me, I get that.

But I’m a traditionalist, so even though I totally understand the rationale for the upgrade, it sucked not knowing that this nutjob was Frenzy until my buddy told me who it was. The other reason why he made the CON side was that he reenacts a scene right out of Bad Boys 2. Check out the movie if you have it and go to the part where Will Smith’s got a gun in each hand as he’s backed up against a wall as the camera rolls around in a circle to show the bad guys on the other end, trying to blast his ass. Watch how Will Smith dumps his magazines and tell me that Frenzy doesn’t do virtually the same damn thing, using the same damn camera motion.

Well, Bad Boys 2 is another Michael Bay baby, so I suppose one could make the argument of, "If you can’t rip off ideas from yourself, who’re ya gonna rip em off from, right?"

STEADY THE DAMN CAMERA!: George Lucas's famous ILM was contracted to do the CGI effects for this movie and they're f**king expensive. Now, I’ll admit this may be my ignorance, but why not get your money’s worth and actually steady the camera to see some of the action more clearly. I was intrigued with the prospect of seeing live-action transformations, but Michael Bay likes to add to the booming war effect by shaking the camera. In other words, blurring the details of the CGI.

Maybe this was a cost-saving trick (because I know that ILM doesn’t come cheap), but it kinda ruined it a bit for me. The action at times is just so fast that you virtually miss it and can’t tell what’s happening to whom. Ang Lee was immensely disappointed to learn that, with his budget, he was only gonna be able to do like 20% of what he wanted to do with ILM for his “Hulk” movie, but that’s the nature of the biz. There’s ILM and there are all of the other pretenders to the throne, so naturally, you pay a TON to hire them.

But see, this is where my “simple is better” idea would have really saved them a ton of money because every Transformer was so intricately detailed that animating them must have been a real b*tch. The over-the-top detailing of every Transformer just made it too difficult to keep anything straight and half the time, I couldn’t tell who was who. When all you can see is one big pile of metal shards battling another big pile of metal shards with the speed of the action, f**ked-up angles and unsteady camera shots, all you wind up seeing is a glorified version of Twister 2: When Metal Shards Attack.

Then again, maybe the blurring of details was intentional so that animators didn’t have to worry about the logistics behind where every gear was gonna go when bots were transforming.

STARSCREAM ISN’T A WHINY IMBECILE: I know, at first glance, this would seem like a PRO, but I WANT Starscream to be an idiot. One of the things I loved most about the Transformers cartoon was how Megatron and Starscream would constantly bicker like Felix Unger and Oscar Madison. There was actually one scene in the movie where Megatron uttered something about how Starscream had once again failed him and I was all excited. I was all like, "Awesome, here it comes!"

But… that’s all that he said about it.

No fighting. No bickering. No attempts by Starscream to become the new leader of the Decepticons. I’m also aware that Chris Latta died several years ago and that is (obviously) unfortunate, but that doesn’t mean that they couldn’t have found a voice somewhere on the planet that could do a screechy Starscream. Yet, good ol' Double S just sounded like another low-bassed Decepticon with no real mental issues at all. Now, where's the fun in that?

WHAT’S UP WITH RATCHET?: I have no real “complaint” against Ratchet, except to ask why he wasn’t made into an ambulance. I understand the design change with Prime’s truck and I understand why Ironhide is no longer a boring-ass family SUV, but last time I checked, we still have ambulances. And they’ve got a modern look to them, too!

So, why’d they give Ratchet a look that was more reminiscent of Grapple? All I have to say on that one is that somebody should have given Ratchet’s design more than a couple of seconds' worth of thought and realized that he really needed to be an ambulance.

BAY HAD DOUBTS ABOUT PETER CULLEN?: Peter Cullen had given an interview some time ago where he recounted the audition process for Optimus. He reprised the voice to perfection, yet Bay had his doubts as to whether or not he could do this movie. Clearly with the myriad list of things that Bay managed to f**k up about the Transformers, he obviously wasn’t a fan of the cartoon series. I daresay he’s probably never even watched it.

If he knew even a sliver of information about Peter Cullen, Michael Bay would have quickly realized that NOT casting Cullen would have been akin to career suicide. Sure, hold an audition to make sure he can still DO the voice, but once you’ve heard it and can authenticate it, that’s the ball game right there. Cast him and move forward.

But NO. Bay had doubts!

Bay: “Hmm, Cullen. Cullen. I just don’t know, guys. So, how many rounds should the Mountain Dew machine fire off before we cut to the next scene?”

Moron!

PUSH THE CUBE INTO MY CHEST?: Under my WTF category goes this little gem. At one point, Prime tells Sam that, if he can’t defeat Megatron, Sam needs to push the Borg Cube into Prime’s chest. What was funny was that, when he opened his chest, I thought he was gonna whip out the Matrix of Leadership. Then I remembered who made this film and nearly slapped myself for thinking such a thing. Had Prime been carrying the Matrix, he’d have probably been better off at least trying to open it before sacrificing his body for the cause. Plus, had Megatron been designed the way the cartoon designed him, he wouldn’t have had that open section of his chest in the first place and they’d have had to figure out another way to kill the bastard.

WHERE’S OPTIMUS PRIME’S FACE PLATE?: With all of the massive changes that were made to pretty much every Transformer on the marquee, you’d think this would be the last thing I’d b*tch about, yet here I am b*tching about it. Optimus, without a doubt, has the most lines out of any Transformer and he’s even got a few close-ups of his face, which I thought was cool. I just didn’t get why they gave him lips instead of a face plate.

Seriously, Bay. Would it have killed you to at least come moderately close to getting one of the Transformers to look remotely like what it looked like in the animated series?

You have no problem giving us a spidery Frenzy, killing the Number Two Autobot, inventing Decepticons who have never existed (just who the f**k is Blackout anyway?), having a Mountain Dew machine go postal (What the hell’s he using for ammo? Soda cans?) and turning the leader of the Decepticons into a very large lawn tiller, but you can’t see clear to giving Optimus Prime a face plate?

It takes Prime like... f**king seventeen minutes to transform from a truck into a robot and you waste time and money animating a mouth that Prime has literally never, ever had?

And, oh, while I’m b*tching at Michael Bay for his Optimus desecration, Prime has not and should never be heard saying sh*t like, “My bad.” Watch for the sequel where a short circuit changes Prime’s voice from Peter Cullen’s to Big Gay Al’s.

Okay, I’ve whined and complained long enough. Let’s get to the PROS.

BERNIE MAC: His role is a short one as used car salesman, Bobby Bolivia, but he makes the most of it. Most of what he says in those two minutes is funny stuff and though I didn’t expect to see him there, it was a decent and (at least for me), a well-received surprise.

RAVI PATEL: Topping the list of funny unknowns is a guy named Ravi Patel, who did a great job as the Arabic telephone operator that Josh Duhamel needs to deal with to get connected to the Pentagon. This movie had its share of stupid and prurient attempts at comedy, but this particular dude was just funny as hell.

MEGAN FOX: Again, this is one smokin’ hot female who’s incredibly easy on the eyes and doesn’t piss you off by being too butch or trying too hard to be some superior amazon warrior princess. Gaping mouth aside, she’s pretty much flawless and, to his credit, Michael Bay does have an affinity for female flesh. There’s a scene where Mikaela is leaning in to check what’s under Bumblebee’s hood and you get a great shot of Fox’s perfectly-toned and sexy-as-hell midriff. What sucks for guys like me is that, no matter how old we get, we’ll never stop finding 21 year old girls sexy.

The downside is that we just wind up feeling more lecherous with each passing year.

TOP-NOTCH CG MAGIC: Yes, I was disappointed in the shakiness of the scenes, but that’s only because I really wanted to stare slack-jawed at ILM’s awesome work with the Transformers. For the scenes where we’re actually allowed to get a good look at some of the transformations, they’re just phenomenal to watch. What’s funny is that, just like the cartoon, some transformations are fast and some are slow.

Starscream and Barricade take top prize for fast transformations, but they also look pretty frickin’ cool. That scene where Barricade transforms back into a police car to go after Bumblebee was, in my opinion, one of the coolest transformations of the movie because it's the kind of transformation I'd make if I were pissed off and ready to kick somebody's ass. Plus, I loved how Barricade was in full car mode whilst still in mid-air. Nice touch.

And speaking of Barricade….

BARRICADE IS BAD ASS: While I was put-off by the fact that I didn’t recognize this Decepticon, I thought he was immensely awesome and bad ass. There’s a scene where Barricade is making like he’s gonna run Sam over. Then, he turns into this big ol’ pissed off Decepticon with this wicked cool and evil voice, bitch-slapping Sam’s body into another car, then cornering him and slamming his huge, metal fist against the pavement as he’s interrogating him.

I was just sitting there in the movie theater and thinking, “I think if he cornered me like that, I’d probably sh*t myself swampy.” Granted, he gets his ass handed to him by Bumblebee of all Autobots, but that couldn’t have been an easy task.

MILITARY MIGHT AND PROPERTY DAMAGE: I’ll give Bay his props. His format might be predictable, but you can’t help but be impressed with those sweeping aerial shots of US fighter jets, Blackhawks, aircraft carriers, tanks, etc. He also truly IS the master of destroying cars, streets, shops and entire cities and you come away from one of his movies wondering just how much it cost him to lay waste to so much machinery and property.

PETER CULLEN: If someone gave me the decision to cast just ONE of the original voices from the Transformer cartoons to do this movie, I’d have easily gone with Peter Cullen any day of the week and twice on Sunday. When the announcement was made, TF fans the world over rejoiced. There’s just something about that voice that screams “Leader!” It’s authoritative, commanding and totally suitable for an Autobot legend like Optimus Prime. Often imitated; never duplicated.

Here’s a quick, true story about the awesomeness of Optimus Prime of which a lot of people aren’t aware. In the animated movie from 1986, Optimus dies. Later in the television series, he’s brought back to life.

Guess who resuscitated him? Angry mothers.

Countless thousands of young boys (and yes, many girls) were so distraught over Optimus Prime’s death and had become so depressed over such a long period of time that hundreds of pissed off mothers wrote in, basically asking the execs, “What the hell is wrong with you people? My boy/girl is too young to have to be exposed to this type of misery and dismay.”

So, after a whole lot of heat, Optimus Prime was brought back to life. But seriously, who else could possibly play Optimus Prime for this movie than Peter Cullen? Think about it. The answer is NOBODY.

One more quick comment about the awesomeness of Optimus Prime. Check out his one-on-one battle with what I believe was Bonecrusher. Prime goes old school with his blade (the one that appeared in that three part pilot episode of the Transformers cartoon), but he does something very un-Optimus-like. He f**king decapitates Bonecrusher.... and as his lifeless body crashes to the ground, Prime drops Bonecrusher’s head. I was like, “Damn, that was one sick, bad ass maneuver there!”

MEGATRON STRIKES FEAR IN ME: Well, not really, but when you suspend disbelief, Megatron’s definitely no joke. He’s incredibly large and absolutely merciless. As pissed as I was that he ripped Jazz in half, you gotta admit that’s both cool and a bit unsettling at the same time. He RIPS an Autobot in HALF!

In HALF, folks!

And best of all, he’s got a few equally fear-inducing one-liners to boot. Imagine running for your life and getting told that, if you cooperate, he MIGHT just have enough mercy on you to enslave you as his pet. The Decepticons were seen chanting, “All hail, Megatron!”

If it had been ME, I’d have been like, “No, keep that twisted motherf**ker on ice! I have no desire to be one of his hood ornaments, thank you!”

AWESOME TRANSFORMATIONS: The transformations that Bay actually allows us to see in detail are amazing. Whether or not they obey the laws of physics is irrelevant. Just watching all of those small gears and parts moving around was impressive. Hell, even Prime’s head was made up of like a few hundred individual moving and rolling parts. Again, many of the sick transformations belonged to Barricade and Starscream. Watching Starscream pick off other fighter jets and bouncing from jet to robot and back to jet again was just incredible.

BUMBLEBEE AND “SAM”: I really hope he somehow earns the “Spike” name in the sequel. But I digress. I liked how Michael Bay was nice enough to establish the friendship between Bumblebee and Sam (I’m really tempted to just call him “Spike” on principle). It was one of the things I always loved about the animated series and that bond continues on in the movie version. Bay gets a lot of respect from me for doing that.

RIPE FOR SEQUELS: There’s not a doubt in my mind that, with what I feel will be a tremendous success at the box office, there will be at least one more Transformers movie (maybe even two). This will give Michael Bay an opportunity to right some of the wrongs he committed. I mean, we obviously know that we haven’t seen the end of Megatron and maybe, maybe, maybe they’ll figure out a way to bring back Jazz (...though I'm not holding my breath on that one).

Plus, the sequel gives him an excellent opportunity to introduce more Transformers into the mix. How sweet would it be to see a live-action version of someone like Blitzwing? Or Skyfire? Or even Omega Supreme? Like I said at the start, the movie was overall a tremendous success and though I can b*tch all I want about the little details, I admit that I definitely want to see it again.