The Allure of Parenthood

I think I may have finally figured out the allure of parenthood. Having been a father for just over three months now, I can honestly say that I never feel quite as calm or as relaxed as I do when I look into my daughter’s eyes. I’m 32 years old and, yeah, I’ve seen and done a lot of sh*t. I’ve sinned and I've regretted it, so imagine how good it feels to look at somebody, knowing that they’ve never done anything remotely wrong in their entire lives.

Bible purists will tell you that we’re all born under the burden of Original Sin and are, therefore, never sinless, but I’m sure that even they would agree that a three month old infant doesn’t knowingly commit sins. Personally, I think that we as new parents are far more protective of our children than even we realize. In a way, I sometimes wonder if my little girl represents, at least on a subconscious level, a second chance for me; an opportunity to show God that I’m not a complete f**k-up.

Certainly, the love I have for my infant daughter is incredibly deep and, if ever in a life and death situation, I’d die for her without hesitation if it meant keeping her safe. But where did a love this profound come from? It’s a first for me and, to be honest, I never thought I could love anybody quite that strongly. Maybe it’s her helplessness or her innocence, but there's just something about her that rallies my heart and soul to do all that I can for her.

Original Sin aside, this little girl has never done a single thing wrong, has never had an impure thought, has never plotted against anybody and has never wanted the world in the palm of her tiny hand. It’s far more than just a refreshing change from the world to which I’ve grown accustomed. It’s as if I’ve been given a very tangible reminder of just how good God is. For certain, God gave me an awesome gift and, just as strongly as I would protect a divine gift from God, I now live to raise and protect my little princess.

I distinctly remember my first drive from the hospital, fewer than 12 hours after she’d been born. Though I’d been borderline lachrymose as I witnessed her birth, I didn’t actually shed any tears. Anyway, I had gone out to shower up, grab a couple of newspapers for scrap book usage and get a little bite to eat. This will undoubtedly sound corny as all hell, but I flipped on the radio and at that moment, a Savage Garden song called, “I Knew I Loved You” had begun playing. It made me think of the first time I saw her (...all four centimeters of her) in the ultrasound six months prior to her birth and, without warning, I just started lettin' em go in the car.

I think the tears came because, in the back of my mind, I knew that my newborn baby girl was the embodiment of unblemished innocence, wrapped up in a six pound package and left in my care. Not only was she this awesome and wonderful human being, but I think the reality of my having to raise her hit home at that moment. It’s all just really overwhelming when you give yourself time to soak in the fact that everything that is good and wholesome in life can be seen through the eyes of an infant and, in my opinion, it’s about as close to God’s goodness and purity that we as sinful humans can ever get while we’re still alive.

I’ve had the privilege of witnessing the very first moments of my daughter’s life and now, I share the honor of raising her with my wife. Now, more than ever, I pray for God’s wisdom and guidance so that He may help me to raise her in His word. That's my new charge in life.