Superman Returns (2006) - My Review

SPOILER WARNING: If you haven't seen "Superman Returns" yet and don't want me to spoil anything, please see the movie before reading my review.

First off, I'm totally old school and I love the classic Richard Donner movies of Superman I and II. Though Donner had been fired after the first Superman movie rose to blockbusting success, enough of his influence in the scenes that he'd shot for Part II remained to make the second movie awesome as well (diehard fans know that scenes from both of those movies were shot simultaneously).

I'll admit that I was beside myself with glee when I first learned that a new Superman movie was in the works (I'd read a 2004 article stating that they were filming scenes in Australia of all places). I'll also admit that I was remarkably skeptical when I caught my first glimpse of Brandon Routh posing as the Man of Steel.

Remember how the public first regarded Christopher Reeve when he donned the red cape and blue tights? Too skinny, right? Well, Brandon Routh didn't exactly impress me with his musculature, either. After all, a quick look at the comics will tell you that Superman would be far more believable if he were to be portrayed by, say, a professional bodybuilder.

I was like, "Can't they, like, dye Jay Cutler's hair black and throw a cape on his ass? Who cares if he can't act. He's got muscles on top of muscles and, damn it, that's how Superman should look!" I was also thinking that Milos Sarcev had the perfect Superman look, but with his thick-ass foreign accent, they'd have probably needed to pull a "Darth Maul" on him and dub an American male's voice over his real one for the entire movie.

However, director Bryan Singer (of X-Men fame) went with Routh. "Fine, but if he's a suck-ass Superman, I'm done!" Or so I thought.

Well, last night I got my chance to see the greatly anticipated "Superman Returns." Having heard early (...and surprisingly harsh) reviews, I wasn't too optimistic. I heard Routh didn't fill the role adequately. I heard Kate Bosworth wasn't anything like what we would expect of Lois Lane. I even heard that Kevin Spacey was the worst Luthor ever.

Maybe that's why I loved this freakin' movie!

Give me a whole host of sh*tty reviews and my expectations pretty much have nowhere to go but up, right? I mean, maybe there wasn't quite as much action as everybody expected, but I certainly thought it had enough to lift my spirits and keep me interested. I mean, that big shuttle/ball park scene was absolutely f'n AWESOME!

Without a doubt, this was the first Superman movie that actually made Superman look like he was flying faster than a speeding bullet. Those frantic flying scenes were totally what you'd expect from Superman. Another criticism I read about was that whole Jason White (played by Tristan Lake Leabu) plot twist, but personally, I thought it was a great variation on the old tried-and-true Superman formula. I mean, who ever thinks of Superman as being the father of a child?

Director Bryan Singer made it no secret that part of his intent in making this film was to pay homage to the first two Donner films that I loved so much. To that end, he did a fantastic job. He kept the classic Superman orchestral music and even rendered the opening credits similar to the 1978 version. However, I'd say that Singer and company made what I consider to be the one small flaw in their rationale for the whole "son of Superman" idea.

Some would ask, "How could Superman be a father if he disappeared for five years?" Others might answer, "Just think back to Superman II when he and Lois consummated their relationship in the Fortress of Solitude." (...by the way, the Fortress in "Superman Returns" is pretty sweet). Well, if Singer was banking on that reasoning to allow for a Super-offspring, I'd make one tiny observation - Superman had just been nuked into a mortal man prior to their consummation, so he wouldn't have passed on any Super-genetics, per se, to Jason.

Then again, one could also make a couple of arguments against what I just wrote. For one, Superman's genetics probably weren't altered, even though his powers were taken away, right? It's like being a man who, in his early twenties, loses his arm in a car accident. If he were to subsequently father a child, that child would still be born with two arms, right? So, there's one rebuttal.

Plus, Supes and Lois could have conceivably (no pun intended) gone against Kryptonian consent and bumped uglies after Superman's powers were restored at the tail-end of Part II. We're left to speculate I suppose.

Well, at any rate, let's hop onto Lois - figuratively. As Lois Lane, Kate Bosworth might not have been as convincingly gritty as Margot Kidder was, but guys like myself can forgive her for that, given the fact that she's fairly easy on the eyes. I mean, there's no sense in me pullin' punches here - Kate Bosworth's quite the honey. Yet, in my mind, Kate's no Lois Lane (...at least not the 1978 version). She's a good-looking chick - no doubt, but she just kinda fell short of the Margot mark.

For example, when Kidder reached for a cigarette, it wasn't hard to imagine her being a human chimney, but Bosworth just doesn't look like much of a stress-smoker, you know? Her skin's too youthful and soft for that image. Trust me to tell ya, chain-smokers like Margot start to look like freakin' Leatherface by the time they hit their thirties. But on the Lois vein, hats off to Singer for incorporating some of those old, classic lines, pulled directly from the first movie.
"Uh, you really shouldnt smoke, Miss Lane!" Good stuff.

Also, big kudos to Singer for including Marlon Brando's voice in this movie. Back in the day, Brando was paid quite a hefty salary for the few minutes of film time that he had contributed, but it would seem that filmmakers are still benefiting from those classic lines that he recorded oh-so-long ago. Long after Brando's passing, his memory is kept alive, so.. money well spent, right?

Now for Kevin Spacey. I gotta hand it to him. In my humble opinion, he put the true evil and villainy back into Lex Luthor. Don't get me wrong. Hackman was good in his role, but he never really had that "strike terror in your heart" quality that Kevin Spacey summoned.

Spacey brought some authentic EVIL to the Lex Luthor role, while maintaining Hackman's lust for real estate, cheap women and easy profit. I mean, can you really imagine Hackman's version of Luthor kicking the sh*t out of Superman and then stabbing him with a Kryptonite dagger? That scene was disturbingly evil and, in my mind, it was that evilness that made Spacey's rendition of Luthor one to be feared. Excellent job, Kevin!

And for all of the crap that I said about Brandon Routh, I gotta admit that he did an outstanding job of accurately (...and respectfully) capturing Chris Reeve's mannerisms, while still managing to be just unique enough to add another layer to the Superman persona.

I know the trend with superheroes in the 21st century is to give them all haunted pasts and make them out to be tortured souls (Read: "Batman Begins" with Christian Bale), but Routh's rendition of Superman was edgy without being overly morbid. Brandon Routh provided an already multi-dimensional hero with another (very human) layer and, in my opinion, did it quite well (i.e.: his jealousy for the new man in Lois's life, his stalker tendencies, his feeling like an outcast, etc). And, not for nothin,' but Brandon Routh's not a bad-lookin' dude (...as I'm sure my wife will unhesitatingly attest).

Look-wise, Routh has that Reeve-esque quality about him that suits him well for the dual role of Superman and Clark Kent and while he's no Milos Sarcev, he's no pipsqueak, either. He packs just enough muscle to allow you to suspend disbelief when he performs some of the amazing feats of strength featured in "Superman Returns."

And for those who have always seen the Christ allegory in Superman, there's no mistaking the visuals you get from this film. For one thing, listen when Lois Lane delivers her line about how this world doesn't need a Savior. Superman takes Lois up in the sky to view the city from a great height. He asks her, "What do you hear?" She says, "Nothing," to which Superman responds, "I hear everything. You say this world doesn't need a savior, yet every day, I hear people crying for one." This is not a verbatim quote, but it's pretty close.

All I could think of was God on high as our Omnipotent Lord who hears all and knows all and it just seemed like they were trying to say that Superman has this same sort of far-reaching ability.

Then there was Luthor and his henchman kicking the sh*t out of a weakened Superman, right before Luthor stabs him with that kryptonite dagger. Not surprisingly, that scene brought an image of Christ's Passion to my mind as He suffered immeasurable pain prior to his crucifixion.
And finally, there was Superman's enormous feat of lifting that gargantuan, kryptonite-littered "island" into the sky (a buddy of mine went so far as to call it a continent). If you go to see the movie, notice Superman's body after he has pushed the destructive land mass into outer space. He passes out and falls through the earth's heat shield, plunging to certain doom. However, before he descends to earth, see if you notice that his near lifeless body takes on the form of Christ's body on the cross!

It's undeniable - Superman looked just as if he'd been nailed to an invisible cross before he plummeted to earth! That kinda irked me a bit, just because it was such an obvious allusion to Jesus on the cross. Jesus made an unimaginably huge sacrifice for the good of mankind, right? Well, suffice it to say that it's not too hard to see the similarities between the sacrifice of Jesus and the one made by Superman at the end of this movie.

I don't know how anybody else feels about that last scene, but Bryan Singer HAD to have been going for a crucifixion image with that shot. I just don't see how that could have possibly been a coincidence. It might seem weird, but one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie only lasts for a couple of seconds. It's right after Clark gets the coordinates that Lois faxed to the Daily Planet.

Clark slips away, the music starts and Clark gets in the elevator. He takes off his glasses in full Kent civilian attire, points his arm straight up and just flies through the elevator shaft. I thought to myself, "How cool is that? You're just chillin' in your work suit, decide it's time to fly.... and you just hit the skies." Who wouldn't LOVE to be able to do that, you know?

But, criticisms aside, I really thought that this was a triumphant return for the Man of Steel. From what I gathered, the movie was left open enough for at least one sequel, so here's hoping.